The Enchiridion By Epictetus
Translated by Elizabeth Carter
3. With regard to whatever objects give you delight, are useful, or are deeply loved, remember to tell yourself of what general nature they are, beginning from the most insignificant things. If, for example, you are fond of a specific ceramic cup, remind yourself that it is only ceramic cups in general of which you are fond. Then, if it breaks, you will not be disturbed.
This seems like an easy thing to achieve this point of view. Simply don't attach too much value to trivial things that are easily replaced. We have all seen people working themselves into a frenzy over a misplaced item that can be replaced at any dollar store. I'm as guilty of this as anyone, though I will TELL myself it is really about the wasted dollar or the wasted gas and time spent going back to the dollar store.
But in the long run, that time was never MINE to begin with. It just came to me and went back wherever time goes. The gas was going to be burned some time, the dollar was going to be spent sooner or later. Why be disturbed?
If you kiss your child, or your wife, say that you only kiss things which are human, and thus you will not be disturbed if either of them dies.
And HERE is where Stoic philosophy gets the reputation of being the philosophy for resilient survivors. If you can reach this level of keeping loss in perspective, nothing life throws at you will ever disturb your calm. But it has the same logic as being detached about trivial possessions. In life, you can lose anything. If you enjoy it while it is there, but accept that things get lost eventually, those losses won't upset your calm, won't cause you to suffer over things that can't be changed.
4. When you are going about any action, remind yourself what nature the action is. If you are going to bathe, picture to yourself the things which usually happen in the bath: some people splash the water, some push, some use abusive language, and others steal. Thus you will more safely go about this action if you say to yourself, "I will now go bathe, and keep my own mind in a state conformable to nature." And in the same manner with regard to every other action. For thus, if any hindrance arises in bathing, you will have it ready to say, "It was not only to bathe that I desired, but to keep my mind in a state conformable to nature; and I will not keep it if I am bothered at things that happen.
Substitute "swimming in a public pool" for bathing in a Classical Greek bathhouse if it helps. The general point is still "Life is what it is. People are what they are. The greater goal is to stay in tune with life as it happens to be, not life as we wish that it was."
For myself, I try to avoid saying things like "Why me?!?!" when life isn't completely convenient or just as I wish it was. Instead I have taught myself to say aloud, "Of course! Of course, why would it be otherwise?"
It confuses others who may expect cursing and wailing and gnashing of teeth. It reminds me that there is no real reason to expect life to be other than just the way that it is. Of course I still see where life could be improved.
Expecting life to be as it is doesn't mean never seeing ways life COULD be changed or the world rearranged. But that is the difference between wishing for food to appear in your hand and going to make yourself a sandwich.
You can still be a Stoic and look for solutions. Just expect to have to put in some work to make the changes that you want in the world. Also don't be surprised when the solutions don't last forever. The world is as it is, not as we wish it was.
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